Short answer – My husband rules VanaVerse. But why is it? Is it because he is more adapted to it? Or maybe he has just snatched the title, pushing me and my little squeaks to the side, as many would willingly assume. The truth is, that his attributes triumph over mine when it comes to management, and leading. I, on the other hand, make an excellent follower. Contrary to what people would have you think, there is no shame in being a support, so long as you are aiding the proper man. Let’s dive a little deeper into why my husband makes such a great leader in the house.
The modern world has all but forgotten about the traditional values of history. There’s a thing called Chesterton’s Fence. What it talks about, in essence, is that the more conservatively inclined will try to figure out why the fence was put up in the first place. A reformer, however, might feel inclined to just get rid of it without knowing its true purpose. Such is the case, I feel, with the roles established not by the scary patriarchal monster, but by nature itself. Men and women are different, and equally special in our roles. One can not take over the other.
He is confident and assertive
The first thing you might notice about my husband, as we dive into the attributes that make him the leader of our little VanaVerse, is his unwavering confidence. I have no idea where he scoops it from, and I don’t think it’ll ever run out. It just is a part of who he is, naturally.
He is a man who will not back down, but who also isn’t stupid. He will assert his place in the hierarchy, but will not endanger his family for the sake of vanity. His confidence is deeper, more profound than material show-offiness. His abundant mountain-like energy can come off as bravery, especially in cases where one needs force. He knows what he is doing 99% of the time, and the 1% he will figure out when it comes down to it.
His boundaries are clear, and he isn’t afraid to let me (or others) know them, nor will he hesitate to enforce them. He knows where our boat is headed and steers it in a calm manner, without excessive drama. No matter the storm. And believe me, you, my Borderline bottom brought many a tornado over our heads in the past. Yet, here we are.
He has excellent problem-solving skills
When a sudden tragedy hits, my husband gets to truly shine. He takes command, calmly, and makes order out of chaos. We can all get out of here alive.
In less dramatic times, he uses his skills to navigate through the business landscape. He had his work cut out for him, landing in a foreign country and making a life here. Yet, he did it, and he did it well. It’s been years now, and his efforts keep us warm and fed. Stable.
Whenever we have a hurdle to jump over as a couple, I can always rely on his guidance. He knows where I excel as his teammate, and he will use that to our advantage. I’ve never seen such a tactical mind, and no matter how I try to one-up him when we play games, he smiles. You know, that wicked, slightly evil yet somehow gentle grin that lets me know I’m in over my head. I love his cleverness!
The risky visionary
Let me paint you a picture:
A man, age 30, tells his family he is off on a trip. He has never before left his country, and now he will fly across the continent. With one day’s notice. He packs his duffel bag (half full mind you, he is only going to stay for 2 weeks, after all), and takes off. He gets a passport from the airport, as he never had the need for one before. Some hours later, he meets his future wife. He never flies home.
My husband is known for meticulously thinking everything through. He will ponder and ponder, sometimes I wonder how many things he has going on simultaneously in his head. What takes me a week to figure out (or a year in some cases) he has figured out in a matter of moments. So how come he took such a risk in coming here to Finland?
While my husband doesn’t indulge in stupidity, or journeys he deems fruitless, he will take actions that grant him a sufficient reward. In the case of flying here, he had been searching for his wife for 30 years. He thought about it for a while, telling me he needed to find his ‘will’. And no kidding, what he did took every ounce of grit that a man can muster.
Sometimes I don’t quite understand what he sees in the future. Yet, I can always count on him to make the choices that will benefit us both in the long run. Things like putting up a business or telling me to try my hand at freelance translations.
Mind you, he will not put himself or me at risk, if he doesn’t see a way to navigate it.
Realistic, non-emotion-based encouragement
Are you hooked to the Yippee, hyped-up reaction you get from not-so-honest people? Yeah, I used to be like that too. I’d seek for validation and get mad when I didn’t get it. Empathy, give me empathy god darn it!
Well, good luck trying to get that out of my husband if you are seeking it. He is real, as real as it gets. No, it doesn’t matter that I’m the love of his life, if my text is sh*t, he will tell me exactly how and why it is so. While this may not seem like the most desired outcome when you go to showcase your creations, it’s certainly the most beneficial.
When I talk about my ideas with my husband or bring him something I made, he will take a good look at it. He will be dead serious, judge it with all he has, and tell me the truth. Just imagine that, will you? Someone with integrity, care, experience, wisdom, and vision reads your story and tells you it has potential. That you can make it. No doesn’t that just tip the scales so far down that the lackluster hyper will be flung off the edge of the world?
I can always count on my husband to tell me what it takes, realistically. He will tell me where I’m lacking, where I excel, and what he sees as the best way forward. At the same time, he will not challenge my artistic vision if I have one. He will simply put his out there, for me to consider and implement in whatever way I see fit. And then he’ll leave me to it, excited to see what I come up with.
So, that is why my husband rules the roost.
My husband, in all his maleness, is just simply built to be a leader. I, however, am not. And I’m fine with it. Let me tell you, I tried my hand and leadership a few times, but it always came to a crashing and burning end. Horrible, I tell you. No, I’m quite pleased to be following a leader who knows what the heck he is doing. One who I can trust my life with.
The thing is, these traits are expressively male features. It just seems like all logic and reality have been tossed out the window. The traditionally powerful woman, one of feminine influence, has been chucked under the carpet by the modern working female. Yet, in our cores, we know it’s not how things are supposed to be.
Before my husband and his leadership, I was a wreck. No boundaries, boundless boss b*tch energy. A Borderline Personality Banshee at large. I walked down the route of woke. I am terrified to think what would’ve happened if my husband hadn’t plucked me away, back to sanity.
Under his rule, I’ve become healthier, and more balanced. I found my place in the universe. That’s something to think about when bringing down the fence that has been up for thousands of years. It may not be true for you, but for many of us, the traditional roles give the perfect frame to become the best women and men we can be.