This post is the beginning of a deeper look into a thread I shall call The List. I had some grievances about this particular topic and the way people responded to it and decided to take this opportunity to talk about toxicity, the meaning of words, and the fragile human ego.
The Check List
The immediate thing to mention is, that people grossly misread this checklist from the getgo, twisting it to their own beliefs and to fit their world views and values. I did not catch anyone that would’ve looked deeper into it, or asked questions like “Is this really what this is about?”. Mass intolerance then ensues, just because a man put up their preferences, which are quite frankly reasonable in my eyes.
This post was put up by a person, who clearly feels strongly about the subject matter. Let’s take a better look at the items on the list and see if I can’t come to more rational conclusions about them, and maybe gain some understanding of what the guy may have meant.
Does she hush?
Fair enough, lad, you don’t want to be disrespected by your woman in front of your peers. Nobody likes that. Especially when it happens to be somethings like hushing, which is commonly used to silence children. I can say, that I would rather be treated as a woman, than a child, but then again, I and my borderline don’t always see eye to eye in that matter and get hushed by the husband anyways in the safety of our own home.
Permission out of respect
Two out of two, I get it. Rather than doing things willy nilly based on her own greed and selfishness, you’d rather she come to you and ask for your opinion. Why not? I do that all the time. Not that it is a mandatory thing in our marriage, but instead, I do it because it matters. My husband’s opinion on things matters and one way to show him I respect him is to ask for his opinions (and permission) before I go ahead and waste money on nonsense, and even more so if it is about things that affect both of us. In those cases, one should never take action before having a chat with their spouse.
Cooking and Cleaning
As a housewife, it’s expected. This doesn’t by any means mean that the guy wouldn’t carry his own weight or that he would start living like a piglet in a sty, keep that in mind before you are prompted to judge him for his patriarchal ways! I have grown to think that it should come naturally anyway, whether we are single or in a relationship, some things have to be done. What’s so bizarre about wanting to relax after a rough day of work, chilling, and enjoying what was made for you with love? Again, as a housewife, I am proud to be able to support my husband in his endeavors in giving him a nice place to call home, and food to satiate the hunger.
Secret: Make your partner food for heaven’s sake, keep the house clean. Maybe they will smile at you every day when it’s time to eat as my husband does with me. I’m telling you, a fine reward for the trouble of cooking and cleaning, that gorgeous, thankful smile of his is.
Forgoing friends
He wants the girl to be his. I can understand this. Especially in long term, as he puts it at the beginning of his list. Why would you want someone who will reject you, or abandon you for the sake of having a night out with friends? Is it truly a sign of a wife, if she pretties herself up, puts on some revealing get up that is sure to get some stares, and goes tits up with her friends (of which many are guys by today’s logic)? By all means, go out, have fun, but do not do it at the cost of your relationship. And if you happen to be one of these ‘’party girls’’, don’t be surprised when the good men, actual men that are husband material, don’t want anything to do with you.
Me as an individual, I will forgo everyone for my husband. How could I? Well, my friends, he was the one to show up when I needed help the most. Literally flew from across the continent to be my support. And he was the only one to do that, to stand with me. Makes sense that my loyalties lie with the one who deserves it, no?
Sex regardless of feelings
This is the salt and spice of the upcoming articles for this thread, as this is the one I commented on. It was also the tweeter’s point to note, as she mentions only it from the whole list. Perk up your ears, Mrs. V is about to preach a little bit.
Relationships are two-way streets. You negotiate, you compromise, and you figure out if this is the person you can go on living with. The second you take another person voluntarily into your life, it is no longer just your life that gets affected by your decisions and stupidity. When you take it to another level and think long-term, even marriage, this side of it, negotiations and all, is exponentially more important.
Be real with me now, especially women, how many times does the sexual drive keep matching your partner when time goes by? Yeah, not too often. Men’s drives stay through life, and women’s tend to decline the longer we are in the relationship. We are willing to use sex as a strategy to get a man, but not to keep him. Somehow, when the relationship gets serious, women start giving fewer shits about such “trivial” things. What if it was the other way around? What if men stopped giving us the cuddles we so grave, the warmth and loving care? What if they rejected listening to us when we have troubles and just need someone to be there so we can rant? What if your man told you he is not in the mood for validation? Ladies, accept that intimacy is a need, just as valid as the emotional ones that we tend to prioritize.
What’s the mood?
I was thinking about this a lot and came to the conclusion that most women seem to be hell-bent on having to be in the ‘’mood’’ for sex. What is this mood then? For me, it is the mood of caring for my husband. Providing fulfillment for his needs, be it cleaning, cooking, listening, providing another point of view, or heaven forbid, sex!
Imagine you went to your man and asked for a kiss or a cuddle, and he told you he is not in the ‘’mood”. Oh, the heartbreak and blame games that would ensue. And if you hug him anyway, when he doesn’t feel like it, if you even touch him, well… you are no better than the man you would so willingly scrutinize for wanting to make sure he gets his needs met. The man that put up this list knows what he needs, and is open about it to ensure that he can live in a way that will make him content. I give him credit for that.
Deleting Social Media
In ways, I can also empathize with this sentiment. I surely would not want my husband to be going out there, with his drop-dead gorgeous and charismatic self, to be drooled on by the random thots that think they’d have a chance. Even less I’d let him engage with those people. Lucky for me, he is a man of integrity and is loyal to the boot.
Turning that around, I also have no such aspirations. I use Social Media purely for showcasing my work and don’t tend to linger in those dm’s. Women should be especially awake with these things, as we tend to bond by pouring out our soul into whatever vessel is available.
It is also worth it to point out the current trend of things like OnlyFans as a contributor. Girls, come on now, do you really think that someone looks at the softcore porn you are making, flaunting yourself like a piece of meat on all the platforms – do you think they see a wife? This baffles me to no end.
But hey, on the other side of the coin, people like me will be the winners. The traits of modesty and being proper, loyalty, and the willingness to serve our man instead of the rest of the world will always stay trendy. Men know what they want, and more often than not those traits show up on their lists, much like in this one, put up by someone 13 miles away.