It is bad enough to be a housewife in this day and age, leech of society and wasting our potential in career-minded people’s visions. But then, when you don’t plan to have children, it becomes a whole other mess to settle. Let us ponder on the sort of things voluntarily child-free women might come across for a moment.
General ousting of the childless housewife
As far as we housewives go, we are already walking on thin ice since we dare to stay home and rely on our husbands (who by the way, rely on us in turn). In today’s world, it’s all about the career woman and uncompromised independence – who would ever become a housewife voluntarily anyway? It must be that we are either brainwashed or coerced into it if some people’s opinions are to be considered.
On top of being seen as women who are supporting the patriarchy and crumbling the hopes and dreams of the progressive woman, we can often get blamed for being selfish. Apparently, it is every person’s privilege and duty to slave away, pay their due taxes or quit whining about it. Now, I understand the value of taxes, I am a Finn after all, and enjoy my relatively cheap healthcare. But am I selfish because I would rather support one person who I truly care about and who cares about me than try and take the world on my shoulders in the form of a career among sharks and toxicity?
What makes it worse is that we are not intending to bring children into the world. It seems like some people think it is the must-do duty of every woman to rear children whether they like it or not, otherwise, they are not even real women (which is amusing considering anything that says is a woman is now classified as such). Or if they are, they must be extremely self-absorbed, lazy, and just all-around terrible human beings. Unfortunately, the meaning of my life does not come from adding another being into the chaos that is my psyche. In a way one might argue that this is about the most selfless act I can do as a woman: I will not endanger an innocent life by bringing it into the chaos just because I feel I need to fill some void or a standard of other people’s creation.
The pain of the All-knowing
As someone who doesn’t really have it even in my mind, other than the occasional paranoia of my coil still working, I have come across many as an all-knowing person on my travels. And I’m sure I’m not the only one, the forums are full of stories and experiences like mine.
I’ve had people comment on my youth, and how my mind will change one day. How I don’t know what I’m missing. Well, fair enough, I do not know what I am missing in the least. Doesn’t that go for every other experience in life as well though? To me, that is similar to telling me I don’t know what I’m missing because I don’t go to the annual BDSM gatherings, or better yet, I don’t know the exciting thrill of gambling or drugs.
When it comes to changing my position, I’ve made up my mind about at least one thing in my life while I was still in the turmoil of depression and out-of-control emotions – I would not bring a child into it. And now, as I am closing in on my 4th decade on this planet, I still have ways to go before I can even call myself worthy of having something depend on me even in the form of a pet, let alone another human being. Biology also hits us all in the end, and thankfully in my case, I am not terrified of it, nor do I feel as though I’m missing out on something crucial to my life and progress in the inevitably of it all.
The pain of the unfortunate
While I consider myself among the fortunate when I’m not obsessed with the thought of a child completing my happiness, I do have some form of empathy for those who do desire it to be a part of their lives and won’t ever be able to have it happen. I can only say that finding meaning in our lives despite the cards we have been dealt, while sometimes excruciatingly painful, is a thing we must do to be able to live a life of contentment. And It will not be getting any better by projecting the anger and sorrow into those who have the option to make a choice.
As I’ve been browsing through the Great Internet, I’ve come across many a post in a variety of forms that suggests that we are selfish and terrible human beings not only due to our leech nature as housewives but because we are voluntarily not having children. Some of the pained women that life has robbed this option from deeming it a cardinal sin, there have even been suggestions that we are not women at all, least of all human. We should breed simply because they can not.
In the end, it is our lives
Truly, we have no control over other people or their lives unless they choose to give it to us. The general modern notion of trying to bud into every other person’s life because obviously, we know their situation better has grown into a monstrous norm. For us housewives, especially the ones without kids, it can seem like the whole world is stacked against us. It is one of the reasons I struggle to speak up about my career, as I often feel vilified and shunned due to my choice in life.
The funniest comments, or the most bizarre ones, I’ve read and what about, is that somehow it is entirely not up to me, especially if my parents are involved. So many forum-dwellers have spoken about how they are at their wit’s end, trying their best to be kind to their parents or in-laws as they claim it is their right that we should bear them grandchildren. How messed up is that? It is not anybody’s job to breed and create a life for someone else’s sake! Children are a serious commitment, lifelong, and you better be having proper reasons for having one before you bring them here and ruin his/her life with your self-righteous stupidity.
Some of the worst reasons and situations to have a child, in my mind at least, include: Doing it for someone else, having one when you are mentally unstable/ill, having one without preparing for it properly, trying to fill a void or find a purpose or substance in your life, and trying to fix anything with bringing a child. For the love of G-d, don’t be bringing a child to try and mend any relationships or your own issues, it will only ruin the child’s life in the end and leave them scarred.
Personally, I never saw a child as something I absolutely need in my life, so the notion of trying to fill a void as a borderline, which I’ve heard many have a tendency to do since the child will rely on you and need you and that feels amazing to us BPDs, never quite struck a cord when it came to another being in my life. Mostly I’ve directed that into plushies and pets I can take care of, and these days somewhat into my husband to his joy and misery. Other than that, I live by my conviction to not bring a child into the messy chaos of my mental instability. It just would not do anyone any good, nor would it be fair to anyone.
This leaves me with having to come to terms with the toxicity of the world, being a child-free housewife in the modern era, especially in the woke west. I will need to grow a spine, from whatever fractures are left from my decade of taking it apart and live with my choices. It is a tough road, but ultimately, it is the Path that is mine, the one only I can walk and know to be the way for myself.