All my life I’ve been pretty much avoiding the ”bad” feelings, you know, anger, frustration, annoyment. By doing that I ended up experiencing bursts of absolute blind rage and more, all the way to the lowly feeling of being nothing but a speck of dust.
When I got anywhere near angry I was told it is not ok, that I shouldn’t get like that, and I should just calm down and walk it off. No sign of help with understanding it and that it’s actually going to be ok, even when it was clear that it would end up eating me from the inside before blowing up. And that eventually led to me not being able to be in proper control of my bursts of anger and I became dangerous to both others and myself: predictably unpredictable.
I never learned a healthy way to argue.
At home, nobody was fighting much and the one time I had a clash I ended up fleeing and wondering if I could come home in the evening or if people were still upset because I insulted them. I also have a really hard time avoiding panic attacks if someone raises their voice even the tiniest of bits, which probably reflects the teaching that shouting just isn’t proper behavior.
Sorrow and pain are also taboo of sorts that I’ve just learned to talk about. It’s sometimes very difficult to figure out if I’m angry or just in pain ’cause of my mental state but as with everything else, I’m getting better and starting to see the true emotion behind the reactive one. Most people either don’t know what to do or tell me to ”Get over it, Get a grip” when I’ve told them that I feel like I can’t be bothered to get up from the bed ’cause there’s nothing worthy of me doing so (or that I’m not worthy of a nice day). Like that would help. I’m at the bottom of my bed, slashes in my arm cursing the world because of these fucking tards that don’t understand that it’s not like I chose to be this way!
Ok, Ok. Cooldown young lady, no need to use that language. No need to get so riled up and over-react. Oh, the shame. The guilt. The absolute devastation of the human mind and it’s corruptions going on because social norms say so!
Shame is very much a social construct.
It makes us adjust and helps us avoid conflicts. But when it comes to cases like mine when I start feeling ashamed of my dreams like writing, my love life, my life path I figured out finally, isn’t that a bit much? Or clothes. Don’t even get me started on the war against people who dare go against their age groups norms and don’t have anyone behind them to tell them it’s completely ok to go out in whatever scarecrow costume you desire as long as it makes you happy and doesn’t attack anyone else with grotesque nudity and nazism or something.
There is no shame in being who you are. Chasing your dreams and wanting a better life is amazing and completely fine. There’s no shame in not doing what others want you to do because nobody else is qualified to tell you what makes you happy and what choices are right for you. Sure, listen to advice from people whose opinions you cherish, but never let them bog down what your core values are or what you think is best for you. They don’t know who you truly are deep down.
Now, A little bit about sorrow and loss. Everyone handles them in their own way, in their own time, at a pace that is suitable for them. Crying because you are in pain is not something you should be thinking you can not do or that it would make you weak somehow, actually, letting it out will probably make you feel better. If you lost a loved one, be it a human or a pet of any kind we shouldn’t devalue the pain of others or shame them for showing it. Because you know, when it comes to pain, nobody has it the same. Everyone has their own unique colors of sadness and torment so, I implore you to not be so hasty with the judgments and such helpful phrases as ”Get a grip”.
Emotions we’ve been taught to perceive as negative are actually very important. They protect us and tell us of things we need to be wary of, help us learn about ourselves.
What therapy has shown me is that every emotion is valid, it can be and should be, just as it is. It is just important that we realize we are not our thoughts and emotions and so we have a choice when it comes down to our actions.
We have a choice when it comes down to our actions.
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