Here is the thing:
Humanity is taught to be caring and loving and helpful to the point of forsaking your own wants and needs, as that would be considered selfish and or rude. Why is that?
We talked about it with my husband and clashed a little bit on the question of who we should be helping and showing care for.
My vision of being loving and caring is that if I see someone in need or pain, I want to help and see that as the right thing to do. I would argue that’s the norm in most cases, most societies. Is it not our responsibility as fellow human beings to help each other out if we have the power to do so?
No, it is not.
If they are not being assaulted or something along the lines, we have no obligation to go out of our way to help a stranger.
At least this is the conclusion we came to, my husband a bit sooner than me but the same conclusion nonetheless.
The healthier way to look at it at least for me at the moment is that while being a humane and caring and sympathetic person is grand and all, it doesn’t pay the bills, it doesn’t help me or my family in any way and it certainly takes from the time I could spend fixing my own issues or helping/ reconnecting with my own loved ones (which I’m very bad at currently).
There is no point spreading yourself too thin, like I have done, to care for people that come to you only when they need your companionship for a few hours and then leave you to your devices. Or giving a random person your lunch money even when you have none to spare.
I started considering:
Am I actually helping or just enabling and giving a momentary relief, much like feeding an addict their chosen drug?
Is this helping my family unit in any way or form, or is it taking away from it?
What about me, am I really in a position where I should be worried about other people’s situations?
The answer is that most of what I thought was being kind and caring turned out to be negative.
People came to me for comfort instead of going to their spouses or the people they have issues with to solve them. I gave my time, hours, and hours just to make them feel better while I very rarely got the same treatment. And me with my mental disorder and a fresh marriage with its challenges and my family issues currently: isn’t it too much to ask that I take care of the rest of the world as well?
My beloved calls it the good kind of selfishness.
Take care of yourself first (much like the noble notion on a plane to put your own oxygen mask on before helping anyone else, you are no good passed out) and then those close to you, and in return, they will shine their light on you.
And after we know how to manage our own lives and those that live with us, if we have excess kindness and care, then we can start considering the other people on the planet.
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