Relationships

Roles in marriages (Spoilers: I’m a housewife!)

man and woman couple wearing their silver couple bond ring
Posted by Maria

What are traditional family values? According to this dating site, there are many values that should be taken into account for both men and women in a traditional setting. While I agree with some of them, I certainly don’t think that they all apply in today’s world, especially in my case.  

A woman’s value is in motherhood

This is one of the first things I knew I wouldn’t be cut out for. Ever since I was a child I never saw myself with children, and I don’t much recall playing with baby dolls either. I did enjoy making my sister’s old barbie Batman… but kids? Never! 

These days it is more than just not feeling the mythical clock ticking away somewhere near my ovarian region, it is a question of safety for all. I’ve talked about it previously in this blog, that it wouldn’t be fair to anyone for me to be bringing a child, as I am indeed crazy. My emotions are as stable as a gust of wind in a storm season. The best kind of parenting in my mind is to not subject an innocent, helpless being to this madness as well as us adults that are already dealing with it.

So, while the traditional family does still contain a married couple with a few children in a house terrorized by some form of a dog, I find that this particular role is not for me. And I love my husband even more so for agreeing with me, he is a very sensible man after all. 

I must say though, that I am definitely not pro single parenting, and I am baffled by the lack of understanding people have towards the fact that children need their parents. Both of them. Take one away and well, you’ll have issues like borderline to deal with later on in life.

Homemaking

This one I absolutely back 110%! While the consensus is that there is no need to be overly praising women that stay home, cooking and cleaning for their husbands and family, I see the true value in it, the value that seems to always be forgotten in this new wave of feminism. 

By taking on the home, I can support my husband, so that he can support me. It is an amazing positive loop that keeps on giving. In my case, it also means that I can keep on tackling my mental health while still having worthwhile things to do in an environment that is not hostile towards me because of my ailment. I can’t begin to tell you about the times I cried silently in my shifts as a working woman, the stress, and the fact that I am just not fit for work outside the home.

To those that keep thinking we housewives are just glorified maids, I can say this: If you had the choice between working your ass off for a taskmaster in some company, versus serving your home and family without the stress and fuss of today’s world, why wouldn’t you choose your family? 10/10 times I would choose to stay home, but then again, that’s just my career choice!

Being there for the husband

How the times have changed since the wife was chained to the stove, at the mercy of her husband’s fist. Fortunately, this hasn’t been true for quite some time, no matter what some people may think. One of these unthinkable duties of a wife was to be there for the husband, in service of the home and well, him. To think that you’d have to be subjugated to supporting your husband on his journeys, let alone having physical relations with him! The horror!

As far as traditional values go, it is saddening to me to hear people try to bring down even the most basic of principles, which is to be there for each other, to fulfill each other’s needs. The world has truly gone mad when a man is shamed for wanting his wife. The famous female empathy does not seem to reach that far.

For me, I aspire to be there for my beloved husband in whatever way he needs me. As a wife, that means putting an effort into making sure he knows I desire him, to boost his morales, and to give him my opinion and aid on things I think I can contribute to. Is there a more noble path to travel than that of supporting your soulmate? Even if it means getting into better shape, looking and smelling lovely all day long for him. I am truly oppressed!

Relying on the husband

Another point of terrified gasping for some people seems to be the thought of having to rely on your spouse. When did we become more about what’s mine and what’s yours in a marriage? I mean, I understand it in cases where one of the parties has already accumulated a boatload of gold to their name, but I can not even begin to pretend to fathom what we normal middle-class people have to lose in this situation. Are you really that stuck up in your idea of freedom and what you’ve been fed as the modern woman, that you can not see you might be losing a chance at a happy life with an amazing man?

I have no issues being here by my husband’s side, making way for myself with my writing while serving his needs and the house. This I can do at my own pace, and I can only do it because of him. Being reliant on him means I have been able to escape the dreaded Finnish system at least for a moment, I won’t have to bow down to bosses that would treat me poorly, and I can keep following my dream. I also get to see him shine, which is an enormous bonus. 

There is the typical growling about it – What will you do if he leaves you? How will you ever get a job? You’ll be penniless without the prenup!

People, people… How far have you fallen to think that there is no work in the world for a person willing to do it? Or is it just that being a cashier or a cleaner, or any other kind of lowly second-rate citizen is not good enough of a job for your entitled ass? Let me tell you, I don’t live for a divorce. I live for a marriage that lasts. And should it fall, heaven forbid, I have no doubt that we can both land on our feet, the fierce felines we are. Before you criticize other people’s marriages, you should look at your own and try to perfect it, should you have one.

The Husband’s role

Provide for the family financially, be its leader, and protect it to the best of your ability. No biggie, surely we can do this, can’t we lads? Except… The women are fighting you every step of the way crying patriarchy and all this other nonsense. I don’t envy you, trying to find a wife that isn’t a stickler for these modern ideals. 

From my own experience, I can tell that I never much enjoyed being a leader. Not in games, nor real life. I can manage to give another opinion, giving consulting in things I am well-versed at, but that’s about it (besides my ever-flowing river of ideas that are sometimes quite out there). It was never in my nature to do any of the things this broken world has started to demand from a woman, as money, decisions, and having to be the protector stress me out to no end. 

I have no issues with my husband being the stronger one of us, steering the boat, even if my borderline occasionally tries its best to sink our vessel. I am thankful for a man with such a solid set of values and integrity, such an incredible sense of loyalty to the family, to be my rock when I am breaking apart. I am glad I married a man of tradition with his feet on the ground and an incredible brain in his head. Thanks to him I can take a proper vacation out of the insanity of the world and have an actual discussion whenever I desire about any topic at hand!

How do you feel about traditional values? Let us know in the comments!


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