I wanted to take a deeper look into how I and my husband keep the intimacy and closeness in the relationship intact. It may be that this book I’ve been reading, His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley, Jr., has got me thinking about the different ways we humans function- even when most people want to deny it to the core.
In this book, the author speaks about the needs of a woman and the needs of a man (as the title would suggest) and explains the differences between the two genders (Now obviously things are not always so simple and can not be separated like that, we are individuals after all).
The difference I wanted to talk about is heavily related to the aspect of love and lovemaking as an event.
Guys need it. Be it testosterone or too many oysters that day but usually when everything is fine in the kingdom our lovely husbands can’t help but be attracted to us ladies. It gets slightly scary for me personally, I haven’t been in a situation where a man would be so sure what he is and wants and needs and I am also very protective over my personal bubble. That changed with my husband.
He is VERY aware of his needs and desires and isn’t ashamed of showing it either. And who are we kidding here- I think any girl would love to be admired and shown they are desired.
Sometimes it hits a sore spot though, my past isn’t ideal and so we are in the process of training me and my broken mind to know about affection and how to be close and loving. I have not done that in the past, I never learned how. Touchy-feely is weird to me.
For me, for a long while, it was a weapon to use when I wanted something or something was wanted from me. Not too pretty of a story but hey, we all have our glitches in the past.
For my husband, however, it was always the epitome of affection and love, to worship your significant other in an ultimate way. This got me slightly anxious at first since clearly, I had no such high expectations or desires when I did it. Just get in and get out, let’s move on with our day.
That first time that it clicked for me that there is something beautiful happening was a mind-numbingly glorious moment. I felt connected to the bone. I had never had that feeling before, the feeling of joy, love, security. The feeling that this person holding me is so close and yet so painfully far away.
This was the changing point of my method of sex. It turned from the mundane thing to something more. Something that has the potential to keep us feeling like we are a true part of each other, that we would not have to be so agonizingly lonely.
The relaxation after that light bulb moment… it was such a radical switch I burst into tears.
It is important to love each other, in both body and spirit, and one of the ways to conveniently combine both is to make love.
But even then it has to be a mutual moment of enjoyment, not one sacrificing for the other. Things go very badly very fast if that is the case as I can attest from my past events.
There are ways to make women (or men) willing to dance the horizontal mambo, and it usually isn’t as complicated as people make it seem.
Just saying. It might be worth checking out that book.
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