Relationships

What’s too much age difference?

close up shot of an elderly couple holding hands
Posted by Maria

In this era of ‘free’ loving, we have come to a point of not even questioning what is proper and what is not. The stars on the red carpets, someone half their age dangling from their arm, sometimes even younger than that. I’m all for adults making their own mistakes and finding their own way, but what about when the relationship starts too early? And what exactly is too early?

When I was 16

Before this fateful age I had made some friends in the male sector of life, none of them serious, though still heartbreaking when they ended. I had acquainted myself with men that had some serious issues with their proper judgments, seeing some of the people I was having my casual pool games and random drives were my father’s age. Nothing ever happened with them, if we don’t count the very much improper and suggestive chats as well as the eventual borderline crush on my billiards mentor. 

I liked doing my chatting online mostly, but then came the time of my darkest moment, and I swore to end it if I wasn’t given a sign. Note that I was then a sort of believer in some form of godly being, and as an angsty teen with a severe budding mental disorder, this led to a variety of bad choices made in my life. One of which was to get together with a man 8 years older than me as the last hope of ever seeing light.

One questions the motives

Back then I had no sense to even begin to understand why I should’ve been asking questions and staying away from such situations. I was just not in a place to even be able o ask them, let alone wanting to be tossed aside. I had finally found someone to care for me, to love me. Teenagers are incredibly stupid, no matter what they make themselves believe, and they do need the protection of their elders, especially when it comes to matters of love.

Since my separation from said man, I have questioned the motives behind our union. What reason would a 25-year-old young man have to even consider dating a teen? I’ve come to the conclusion that such deviancy should not be tolerated and if I ever had children they would certainly meet the fiery whip of parenting together with the soothing waters of motherly love. Better to be angry at your parents for their restrictions on your love life at a young age, than to be drawn into a fake relationship that steals the first touches of adulthood and adventure, possibly wrecking you to near insanity while you’re at it.

The journeys

Now, You can say whatever you may about your own relationship, but I can also say with 100% certainty that the life situation and aspirations of a 16-year-old and a 25-year-old are not even close to being similar. The teen would be figuring out where to go to study, what to become and what occupation seems like the least amount of hassle when it’s time to submit to a lifetime of voluntary tyranny. The adult, on the other hand, is most likely figuring out how to settle down, maybe have a house, have a serious relationship, as well as figuring out their more permanent place of work.

My journey involved a lot of sorrow and shadows as my affliction grew larger and the twisted fate would toy with me. The ups and downs, the pressure of the ‘duties’ in relationships and not wanting to be left alone, the absence of my parents in those turmoils. His journey was more about running away from his family and name, heaven knows that I wouldn’t want to have been in his shoes growing up. I was young, and naive, and thought that maybe we were just two souls in such misery that we could understand each other. You know, like they do in good old love stories. Of course, it had nothing to do with love.

Manipulation

The younger you get the ones that are royally messed up in the head, the more you can mold them into whatever you want them to be. I suppose that’s what happened in my case. Within over a year I learned to play by the rules of this older person that I thought was caring for me. I listened, I learned, I was a good borderline girl for sure. Thankfully, everything must come to an end. Even I had to grow up, see the truth with all its gruesome splendor.

It is never an equal relationship when things start with one of the partners being so young. There is nothing romantic about it. Hell, even the infamous Mr. Grey got taken advantage of by an older woman. I just wish I had turned out to become a millionaire like him. Or maybe I don’t. I quite like it here, in our little studio, with my husband.

One should always be extremely suspicious of anyone who talks to children and teens in any way suggestive manner. It is just simply not respectable, nor is it acceptable. If there is one certainty, it is that the buds of a flower will not get a proper chance to bloom when they are clipped before their time. Let them grow, and if in time you are still interested in the flower, feel free to have a whiff. 

Adult gaps

I don’t have much experience in the complications of adult relationships with huge age gaps, but I wager the differences in life situations still apply. For us women, it is even more perilous to be older and to start trying to be serious with a younger man, since unfortunately, our ability to form a family decreases with time. Chances are that a young man might one day want children and well, spinster of old just won’t be able to provide. And that is alright, by the way.

It’s not so dramatic for older men, though these days I don’t blame the gents for not seeking ladies to live with. There is nothing more terrible than settling down to a life and then losing it at the whim of another person. And with the cards stacked against them… Guys, take that red pill and keep your fortunes without getting your wings clipped and hearts broken.

All and all, whatever people of age do in their spare time is none of my concern. But if someone were to ask me what the ‘proper’ age gap between two lovers is, I would give the following answer: 

“If you two are on the same page about where you are headed, have the same values, and are at the same point of your paths, by all means, go crazy, it’s your life in the end. But if one of you is underaged, the adult needs to back off, and back off fast.”

What kind of an age difference is ok in your opinion? Let us know in the comments!


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