Life Traps | Pt. 9: Entitlement

Posted by Maria

In this post, we will look at the Life Trap of Entitlement, which is all about the mentality of “I have the right to do this!”. This Trap often kicks in for me together with Subjugation, as I use it as a weapon when compensating for being so meek and willing and having done so much I might’ve not even wanted to do.

A brief summary based on what the book, Tunne Lukkosi by Kimmo Takanen, tells us of the Life Trap of Entitlement:

I think that I am somehow special and that my actions are justified, my needs are more important than others. Things have to go my way or no way, I tend to be controlling and it is hard for me to take a no for an answer. I want to get everything I want now, preferably in the way I wanted to get it.

I believe that I have the right to put out myself in whatever way I want to, often this leads to me being rude and maybe even too direct in my spouts. My anger is always justified, I just don’t know how to bring it forth constructively. People just have to accept my behavior. I shouldn’t be treated like normal people either, I’m a VIP after all! 

I may get into a relationship with a submissive person so that I can keep behaving in a controlling and bad way. I may shout about my rights, yet neglect my responsibilities within the relationship. It is hard for me to see that I am being selfish, to me, everyone else is that bad person. Rules and authorities are not for me, as I like to be the one making/being them.

I may compensate for the Life Trap of Entitlement by becoming overly sacrificial, yet I do this as more of a manipulative thing than from a place of wanting to help. I bring it to light, I’m such a good person! 

Truth be told, I don’t want to talk about this.

The second I started writing about it my neck hairs stood up and I got defensive. This is not me, no way! But a lady has to do what a lady has to do. Buckle up Mrs. Vana, we all know you can be a bit of a B**** sometimes. 

This already tells us that it is very hard for me to see this in myself. Not because I wouldn’t think that it is happening but because I hate thinking that I do this. After all, I like to believe I’m a good person deep down. The layers of trash just hide it really well occasionally.

When things are going fine, and I am not in my borderline rage or sorrow, I am a chill person to be around. As soon as the BPD gets triggered in me… I forget about the other person’s needs, rights, good parts, everything. This is also known as splitting, black and white thinking – you’re either all good or all bad.

When I get angry, I think it’s all ok for me to scream, to speak hurtful things, and to bash my perceived opponent to the ground until they are ground to dust. They hurt me first, so now they are going to get it! How dare they treat me this way!

Even my posture changes when I switch to Entitlement.

I straighten my back and attempt the oldest of tricks in intimidation – become big. This one is not hard for me as I am already a tall woman with a hefty frame, now that I look at this gesture it makes me smile: How insecure must I be in that situation. Why would I ever become that stereotypical entitled lady with their gaze looking down at everyone else and their back so straight it seems like someone stuck a broom in their butt?

My entitlement is complex, as I may imprint it on other people. While I hate authority, if it has been settled and it happens to be my favorite person, I tend to get really glitchy if the chain of command is disturbed. I like things to be predictable and under my control for sure. Yet I keep rebelling against my chosen commander because obviously, I’m above being told what to do!

I am 100% sure my husband dislikes this part of me since it makes it incredibly hard to have any kind of constructive arguments or criticism. The Entitlement together with my intense sense of fear makes such a combo that I zone out of my brain and just let the chaos take over, it is incredibly hard for me to deal with them together. 

I’d rather delete myself than be seen as the bad guy or a failure.

The book says that when this Trap starts resolving I will start seeing that all of us are the same, nobody is entitled, nobody is lower or higher than the rest. I will learn to behave in a more correct way towards others, being able to give back and treat them as equals. I will break the rules less and learn to bring about myself in a more constructive manner.

I have to admit that this one will be extremely difficult to tackle, should I not grab myself by the horns and start pre-emptively doing meditation and CBT drills. At that moment when the Entitlement kicks in, there is no stopping it, I’ve already nailed the doors shut and set the house on fire – everyone will burn in it with me, figuratively speaking.

Other than the borderline moments, I still retain the good faith that I’m a decent person. I like to help people out (too much even because of the Subjugation going on), and I don’t tend to think I’m above people. If anything I think I’m below people, which probably causes me to compensate for it in a flashy manner as I go into my “justified rage”. But that’s a topic for a whole other post!

Have you ever had the pleasure of facing off against an entitled person, how did it turn out? Let us know in the comments below!

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