This story was inspired by the time I spent learning about my Life Traps. These Traps are basically locks of emotion that bind us and can lead to maladaptive patterns of behavior (schemas). They are the burden we carry with us from childhood and the fear and the anger we unleash onto unfortunate loved ones. Consequently, this short story is called Subjugation, and it pertains to the time spent pleasing other people, forgoing my own needs and wants.
Be Pleased!
You, yes you! Stranger! What is it that you like? I’m here to help, to please. It doesn’t matter what you need, or want – I will provide. I will go on for hours, running in circles, hacking at the same rock until it gives me what you need. And until my fingers bleed with blisters. Such is my loyalty to the Throne, and right now, you sit on it!
I will spend years brandishing skills that you are too busy to learn. I will fulfill your every dream, no matter how obscure. But master, please, put down thine breath of fire, for I am but a human, and you a God. With one silent exhale, you can blow me away, scorched and gone will I be. So please, spare me, so I may bring to life thine wildest fantasies!
Like Ruth I will walk where you walk, right behind you. I will take thine Path in Life, and dedicate myself to service to you. My liege and lord, how could I abandon you now? After all, I need you to survive. Your ease of life is like honey to me, it matters not whether I live or die trying to provide thine comfort.
Just Smile!
Decades of ash on my face, even Cinderella got her prince. I shall not have such luxuries. Yet, this smile on my lips shall never fade, for I am here to please. Perhaps, one day, my liege and lord might actually need me enough. Perhaps then, I will be indispensable.
My mother said to keep smiling. While barbed wire beat my ankles and the sludge oozed between my toes, my lips never wavered. The empty gaze above the stained red turned colder and deader by the day and decade. Yet, no one saw the blight of one maid in service.
But only a fool would not sense the dangers of sealed embers. The container of all that is gross, bulging, and twisting to accommodate the brimstone. Be on your best behavior! I think not. For inside me is a Beast of Anguish, and you, master, have been kind enough to wake it up. The slumber of a thousand years has come to an end. The Wrath I once feared now fuels my soul. I have seen you, and now, you shall see me.
Don’t Touch Me!
The blade calls for a crimson sacrifice. The beatings I received from my peers did not change my worthless hide to something palatable. It is a sorry joke, and now my alabaster crust is riddled with ivory drawings. Here and there, a sanguine river flows and trickles to the ground. A sharp blade of grass sprouts.
It wasn’t that I tried to hurt you, master. I just couldn’t take it anymore. Worry not, though! I left myself with all my primary functions, even my perceived facial beauty is untouched for your glory! No one will know. No one will see, or hear. I am untouchable!
In the coming ages, the deeper crimson sunsets come, and the permafrost around my heart grows thick. In the end, I feel not the caress of a lover, nor do I hear the voice of the divine. It was in that place, where the blue roses bloomed, that the iron gates of death closed. I was there, standing but a few steps away. My grasping hand could not stop the bars from slamming shut.
Loveless, Unwated, and Lost
I wasn’t alone there, either. In the Ocean Gardens, Beasts of smoke roamed about. Their charcoal eyes fixed upon my soul, the shadows quivering when I passed. For a while, I stayed near the gate. I burned its shape onto my cheek with frostbite. Once the Beasts came, I ran. I wasn’t ready to join them. Not yet.
I matter! My life matters!
My death, and everything that happens here will resonate through the ages and reach the body I left behind. I need you, my inner creature. Your sorrow and booming voice will scare away the devils. And my judgment will be yours. Together we will get out of here, and then… Then what?
Banshee, my darling, rest now
You served your mistress well. I will forever be in your debt, my poor, frail, beloved Banshee. Can you see the sunrise? It colors the sky with its flames, burning away the master’s shade. It’s just you and me here, now. And that stranger over there.
It is time to move on. Toward the cliff by which all marmots end their lives. But I am no marmot, and my master is gone. I traveled through the Gardens of Death to escape. And here I am, free to make my choice once more! But why is it so lonely? What can I, one measly, ownerless maid, do in this cruel world? Where do I belong?
Oh, the stranger is walking away. I must run if I am to catch up!
You, yes you! Stranger! What is it that you like? I’m here to help, to please. It doesn’t matter what you need, or want – I will provide. I will go on for hours, running in circles, hacking at the same rock until it gives me what you need. And until my fingers bleed with blisters. Such is my loyalty to the Throne, and right now, you sit on it!