I wrote a post about keeping him satiated, so I figured it only fair to make one for us women too. While men’s masculine needs may sometimes seem brutish and unthinkable to us women, I am certain that the harder-to-comprehend, abstract needs of women baffle the more logical minds of men to no end on occasion.
A woman’s essence
In a crude generalization, we women have a tendency to be more emotional. Things that shine, are pretty, or just touch us in a heart-string-pulling manner will get us to move in directions we are sometimes not even aware of. I don’t think it a coincidence that most advertisement is usually made with women in mind, I mean, somebody let me know if a guy ever bought something because of the seductive sunrise that happens when you open a juice carton. Maybe I’m just influence deaf these days, considering my בעלי is someone who is not typically swayed by emotion-based adverts.
As women, we are also exceptional caretakers. We have the innate ability to be more empathetic using behavior and tones, and this comes in very handy when dealing with any sort of nurturing task, I imagine. Of course, I’ve been deathly afraid of children up till the age of 30, fearing I wouldn’t be able to treat them properly. Oh, how wrong I was. All I really had to do is lean more on the feminine, natural side of myself and I could nurture everything like all the plush puppies of my life. These days I’m doing my best to practice the gentle, caregiving nature by being there for my husband.
One thing that has been quite saddening for me to notice, and that I’m glad I got out of before the chaos of it all consumed me, is the loss of traditional femininity in our current era. Women are told to go in a direction that is masculine – be (head) strong, be independent, and be a career workhorse! Of course, it is not impossible to do so and to be very feminine, but realistically, I have yet to see a person who is going for the traditionally masculine things in life and who was, at the same time, also feminine and gentle. Can you imagine a top-dog lawyer or business owner being like that? I can’t, and I truly believe there is a certain ruthlessness that comes with that territory.
Try to understand her
Now, no matter what sort of a woman you may come across, we typically share the same basic needs. One of which is our desire to be heard. While it is nice to have our opinions put into action as well, it comes nowhere as close to the core of just listening, lending that hearing ear. Sometimes, we just need someone to be there to take it all in as we ramble on about the things that happened at work, or in my case, the things that haunt my mind.
A funny thing happens with men and women sometimes, a kind of black hole in communication. You see, it is no secret that men are more task-oriented, they are problem solvers. We, females, tend to be a little different. How many times does a woman go to a man just to have them be the venting conduit, and the man wants to start solving the issue at hand? Sometimes this can be a very bad idea, since we women are fickle creatures, and will find a way to get offended for the offering of help. I wonder if it would be a good idea to set a rule of thumb: women, let the poor man know if you are actually in need of their help, or if you just need to get it out of your system.
I see women as the chaotic energy of the world. So much can be done with it, if only it was under some relative control. We’ve seen what happens when the feminine turns on the heat and starts rampaging around the once-peaceful kingdom. This is why, at least in my opinion, male patience is a true virtue. As with anything, however, there is a limit. Don’t be taking all the punches or annoyments, remember that you can, and should have boundaries as well. No matter how big of a cis white male you may be.
Be her companion
Women are social creatures. We enjoy babbling on and the world of gossip is not too foreign to anyone who has been observing the lives of the typical female of the human species. We just love to share our thoughts and inner world, I suppose that makes us the amazing potential for the whole influencer business on all social media. Sadly, I do not have like-minded female companionship these days to share my mind with, and so my husband takes on the role like a proper champion. Here again, there needs to be a word of warning: Ladies, do not go sharing your passions and deepest desires outside to that male ’friend’ of yours. We are not in the business of bonding with other men!
As empaths and emotional beings, we thrive when we are loved and cared for. Who wouldn’t? Everyone certainly likes to feel safe and sound, secure and taken care of. But for a woman, this is often emphasized. The relief I experienced when I got to marry this gorgeous man was something I never thought I’d have. He is like the immovable mountain, everything will work out in the end. That kind of peace of mind can never be underestimated in the world we are living in.
But how to do that? Well, a good place to start is to use tender, verbal validations. Tell her how beautiful she is, even when she has come down with a fever and is looking sad and beaten under the covers. I can’t tell you how much it means for my husband to be there, letting me know he appreciates me and how much he is into me despite my various ailments. When we have that in the home, we don’t go seeking it elsewhere. And if we do, there are some serious issues going on in our mindscape, at least this is my experience.
Another huge thing to do is to be encouraging. This doesn’t mean you have to be over the moon for her desire for a career, but so long as you keep to the agreements you made when you got hitched, shine a light on the things you can. I had been so badly beaten up about my writing that I never thought I’d actually manage to pursue it properly. But here I am, smiling like only the stars in the sky can, and that is all thanks to my husband letting me know that he believes in me. Whenever I have a new idea for a story, he engages with me in my passion and is as excited about it as I am. That, my friend, is beyond precious.
Become her safety
When it comes to the topic of security and safety, especially the financial type, the world today deems fit to try and tell us we don’t need no man. Well, I do. For me, one would have to be delusional to think that the way of the career samurai is somehow better for me than the slow, harmonious life of a housewife. Who would trade the opportunity that I have to cultivate my own craft and self without worry for the stressful, thankless life of corporate business? Don’t be foolish.
Even more so, who wouldn’t want their soul to be kept safe? Their core, their essence to be treated like a jewel. Something so precious that it needs to be protected and treasured at all times. I was a wreck of a human being before my husband came to get me. I doubt I would’ve ever found my way back on the Path without him shedding the light on it. No matter how strong you are, or pretend to be, the desire to have your heart held tenderly in the embrace of your other half is a powerful force.
The two sexes are different, no matter what people would have you believe. The masculine being more orderly and task-oriented, and the feminine being the emotional color and nurturer. I can’t for the life of me understand why humanity would turn itself away from our beautiful differences, the things that can bind us into strong units as mutually strengthening traits. I do not believe anything good can come out of it, especially having lived in that chaos for way too long.
The modern woman’s turmoil
The lack of traditional femininity might just be the downfall for us women. While we prance around in the virtual space in our underwear, demand that our breasts should have the same treatment as that of males… We simultaneously seem to have got it in our heads that promiscuous behavior should not only be celebrated but that it should also not affect the way we are seen as women. I am sure that certain men in the public pools that now allow women to go topless are happy, but don’t delude yourself into thinking that any proper, masculine man, would consider a woman that behaves in such ways as a potential wife and a life partner.
Young, modern women will most likely find themselves alone, and by then it is too late. Many in their 30s or 40s are crying out in pain, having been swooped into the waves of progressives and feminists, groaning about the lack of good men. Well, turns out, the good men are likely not appreciative of having to come home to fight over housework, about the selfishness of it all, or about their wives going out with the ‘girls’ to party in clubs in wardrobes that can barely be called clothing. Why would anyone want to fill their lives with that kind of headache anyway?
I have found, that a proper, masculine man can bring me so much peace. While I do have my own stresses about the finances, I never have to worry about having food and shelter – my husband is taking care of it. While I struggle with my borderline and other inner turmoils, I don’t have to fear being broken or having to fight those battles alone, my husband has my back. I don’t have to ponder on if I can or can’t, my husband is there, shining light onto the path and encouraging me to go forward. And all he asks for in return is that I will be there for him when he needs me, just like he is for me.