While we women remain enigmatic to the men of the world, it seems that the same kind of sentiment could be said about them. The modern woman has all but lost the ability to read and understand men, or even tune into their needs as something that is different from our own female desires. So what does make a man happy in the end?
Why on earth am I writing about men’s happiness?
Society as it stands seems keen on portraying only half of humanity’s needs as proper and valid. This, at least it seems so to me, tends to lean heavily toward the emotional female realm, and thus it leaves the males of our species demonized and overlooked in their more physical, tangible wants. To me, both my and my husband’s needs are equally important. Nothing good will come out of it if we keep neglecting the other side of the human coin, and as it stands, we are already tipping too far to one side with it.
I was watching a panel from the Daily Wire, where they talked about the things that would make marriage a success. Many of the points they talked about ring true, but one seemed to be presented with more weight loaded onto it: men and women are inherently different, and we need to recognize and understand this fact.
Relationships today might be more chaotic and more prone to breaking due to the increasing notion that we must all be the same. That men have to be more like women, and women more like men. Isn’t that crazy? The two can never be the same, and that is only a good thing for the world. From the physical and mental wirings arise the differences that we can observe within humanity if only we would be willing to stop vilifying the most basic needs and traits it has to offer.
Show him respect
The first thing I learned when I started diving into the world of wifery as a much-critiqued career choice, was that men thrive on respect. For us women, no matter what we may be trying to convince ourselves of, while respect is nice, it is nowhere near the level of need that it is for our counterparts. Respect can elevate a man to new heights, and the lack of it can crumble their morality like no other thing ever did.
In today’s notion of everything from a male’s strength and passion is being labeled toxic masculinity, as well as all men being chewed out for things that don’t even make sense, such as their tendency to be more visual. It is no wonder that we can see the rise of movements for men’s rights and more. As a woman, if I dare say without trying to be to cliche and patronizing as I speak of men like they need my voice in the cacophony, I feel terrible for their tragic fates. The holy war on masculinity has got to the level of insanity, and I often like to relate it to a situation in a show we watched called Beastars. In the show, bears were made to take something that made them less, well, bear-like. Domesticated and pretty much castrated since they weren’t allowed to roam the planet as themselves in fear that they will succumb to their carnivore nature.
But how can we respect our men more? Well, a good place to start is to stop the never-ending nagging, which I must admit I struggle still with on occasion. Other things we might do are to listen, to be interested in him and his journey, and let him know it whenever we can with compliments, physical adoration, and acts of love. Especially when they are passionate and proud of their achievement. Isn’t that just common sense in the end for us all? Another huge thing we women seem to struggle with is to let him lead. Try it for a month, stop arguing about every turn and twist he wants to make for the sake of being the one in control all the time, and have faith in his ability to steer the boat. You might be surprised by the places you’ll go to together.
Keep him cozy
For me personally, becoming the best support I can be for my husband is now the path I travel on. I am in charge of making sure that our nest stays cozy and harmonious, no matter my shortcomings on the whole harmony part of it. And while peace and quiet don’t always come easy for my chaotic mind, I am giving it my best shot every day. I’m still but a fledgling!
The importance of a sanctuary can’t be overstated. Who among us would want to go to work and deal with the outside lunacy and abuse only to come home and face a spouse with a face like a horse’s ass. As housewives, we have the power to make his life heaven or hell on a whole other level, and trust me, you don’t want to be making it hell in our current dating climate. Ladies, don’t become like Peggy Bundy!
Instead, we can make sure that the house is orderly and clean – cluttered living quarters seem to clutter the mind as well. We can show our appreciation for his hard work by treating him to the foods he likes and hell, if you’re up for it, give him a massage! We all deserve a bit of spoiling every now and again, and our husbands are not an exception to that.
Satisfy his hunger
There are two kinds of hunger, and I am talking about the one that people seem to be casually willing to paint in the colors of oppression and loathe the second it comes to a man experiencing it – the desire for another person. Even more so than with respect, we women don’t really care so much about getting or not getting our daily dose of the flood of happiness that comes with sex. Meanwhile, men, seemingly being the driving force in the human race’s sexual side, will become burdened by the lack of it eventually.
I would implore us, women, to think back on the time we first started to lure in our partner, using everything in the manual on “How to trap a man”. Too often I see people’s significant others starting to lack in their routines which they upheld so vigilantly when they were still dating. The time we spent on taking care of ourselves and our looks and health is now spent on something more trivial. The moments we took to flirt with our men and ignite their passion by showcasing how much we adore and want them… well, do you really expect the same level of adoration back if you’re not willing to give it yourself?
As women we can go on for weeks and months on end with nothing but compliments and kisses and cuddles, it’s not the same for men. Of course, once more I have to mention that I speak in an overly generalized manner, each sex has its own oddities that break the norms. Generally, men tend to have more of a drive for sex, which makes sense with the differences, especially on hormonal levels.
So ladies, don’t be the person who loses their husband because they weren’t in the mood. You don’t leave your job, friends, or children wanting because of your fickleness, why on earth would you do that to the one person that has quite literally pledged his whole life to you?
Why do we need to care?
It should be relatively obvious, but unfortunately, it does not seem to be at all that. We are living in a world where it is ok to demonize men for their natural state, and for being masculine. In a world where the notion of chaotic living in the female ideal has somehow become the thing to do. We need to care because half of the population is being shunned and the world seems to be fine with it. And no, I’m not talking about women. We are having the time of our lives despite the criers out there trying to convince us otherwise.
When it comes down to it, starving people is never going to be alright in my books. This includes physical, emotional, and financial starvation. It is also not alright to be assuming that what you want and need is exactly what the other one needs as well, let alone demand that your way is the only way. We are different, men and women, whether you like it or not. Taking away your affection and commitment to keeping the relationship alive based on your mood or some random ideology is not the way to have a devoted partner.
As I keep saying through my posts here on the blog, a relationship is a mutual agreement to fulfill each other’s needs. Nobody else can, or should even be allowed to do that. You have gained exclusivity over another person’s desires, so please, do not abuse that power by starving them on a whim.
Aim to provide something nobody else can provide, a peaceful, beautiful sanctuary for him to rest his weary head in. Keep yourself on top of the game like when you were dating, adore and respect him as much as you used to, or better yet do it more.