We (me and my husband) came up with this short practice we tried for a while and it changed the mood of the relationship even on the harder days that we all have to face (I think it may have stemmed from my therapy sessions and the need to realize that I have a lot to be thankful for both in and out of my own self): we would tell each other at least two things that we are thankful of that the other has done and one thing we thank ourselves for.
Saying thank you to your spouse for the things they do, no matter how small it may seem, is important for quite obvious reasons, but we tend to forget to do it. This forgetfulness is even more prominent in giving thanks to ourselves for the feats we achieve.
For me, it is especially hard, since if I am not feeling like I’m doing something exceptional, then I’m not doing anything praiseworthy. This little ritual changed that almost entirely.
Now I think about things that I am happy about and that I am thankful for, all the while getting feedback from my husband about what I’ve done that he finds nice and worthy. Nothing quite gives you motivation like remembering that the things you do are appreciated and noticed on a daily basis!
And while we may have stopped the nightly before sleep event we made out of it, we now keep it on the top of our minds and days go by with a lot of thanking each other for various things as they happen. And at the end of the day, it’s not uncommon to hear us thank each other for all we’ve done and for us just being there.
For me, this has been a huge mental turning point.
Previously I continuously felt as though my efforts to clean and dust were nothing, something that was taken for granted and while I did do my best in my moments of darkness it never seemed to be valued. Now I have a husband that keeps telling me all the time how thankful he is for me making dinner for us (I have to add though that my incredible husband never failed to thank me for the cookings and what not in his life!), me doing my best despite the bad moments, me cleaning and taking care of the house while he works his ass off to bring the coin to the household so we can keep living in this utopia without worry. It makes being a homemaker worth it and helps me keep at it.
Of course, I do my part and give my beloved thanks for his relentless work, making me feel safe every day and all the encouragement he gives me, I also thank him for not taking me for granted. That, I think, is the one thing we should avoid doing at all costs, taking each other for granted.
This habit has also spawned more light into our daily lives,
as we give each other kisses and hugs of gratitude throughout the day when we do something for the other. And in turn, this habit keeps growing into an environment of echoing compliments and honest, true gratitude that will feed our relationship so it stays strong even in the harsh waves of life as we have no trouble remembering why we chose to be together.
I urge you to take on the challenge and make it a habit yourself!
After all, what harm could come from shining a little light towards your loved ones daily?
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I agree, it’s the appreciation for me
I feel like people sometimes have issues thanking their spouses for the things they do…