Oh boy, time for some more unconventional and controversial thoughts. This time, as I was doing my morning rounds on Reddit, I found a peculiar question: “What do you do/how do you feel when your partner gets mad when you’re not in the mood to do any sexual activity?” Let me tell you, I am not in the same camp as most of the people that answered the thread!
The general population
Somehow this topic always turns into a consent and respect argument. It seems that the individual’s feeling to be “untouchable” is very much at the core of the human experience, and I can perfectly understand why that would be. After all, I hate being touched without invitation, and it can also trigger some traumas from the past. This, however, is not the majority of people, or at least I hope it isn’t!
I also noted, quite bemused, that many of these assumed women speak in their partner’s place. “He has no interest in sex that’s not mutually desired”, “My partner respects my boundaries”, and all that usual stuff. In theory, this is all very noble, but also extremely dangerous to play around with and I will soon tell you why. It’s also not a good idea to be spouting out things, putting words into other people’s mouths. Of course, how should I know, maybe the spouses of these women are into that kind of “whose needs win today”-game.
Another point to note is that the tolerance of women for their partner’s needs is atrocious. Some of them straight up exclaimed that should their partner get mad about not getting it, it would be an immediate break-up. I mean, seriously? And the crudeness of it all also baffled me, who in their right mind would tell their beloved, love-starved husband to take care of it himself? Now that’s just asking for trouble on a silver platter in the long run.
I’ve talked about the mood before in this post about some Twitter shenanigans, but let me reiterate a little bit.
Ladies, what on earth is this Mood you are talking about? Is it the whimsical, slowly fading desire to get all over your partner? That flickering flame that, for women specifically, is not a priority as the relationship evolves and we start feeling more secure? I sure hope not!
If we only ever did things based on our moods, essentially being driven by our chaotic emotions, nothing would get done properly. It is just bothersome that this type of behavior has infected people’s relationships, and the concept of mutually agreeing to fulfill each other’s needs is forfeit. Chaos rules the female mind more often than would be healthy for any sort of longevity.
The only mood I need is that of a loving wife, partner, and support. If sex is important to him, it should be important to me as a part of this voluntary union. Where has all the understanding gone when it comes to the intimate needs of men, such as desiring their wives and girlfriends?
The demonized men
The man that desires their partner, oftentimes painfully so, is depicted as inappropriate, creepy, disrespectful, and selfish. They get painted as creatures that do not care, when in fact, they care enough to want to be intimate with you, and you only. What do you think will happen if you keep disregarding his needs and telling him no?
My husband once showed me a thread from a men’s forum, and it broke my heart. It was one of the all too normalized cases, where the woman starts dwindling and the sexual relations vanish entirely. It was like the man was in the desert, dying to have a drink all the while she was flaunting the water in front of him, never sparing a drop. What really got me, is that at the end of his speech the man said something along the lines of:” I wanted her till the day I left.”
Think about that for a moment.
You better believe your beloved, faithful and amazing counterpart will look for his needs to be met elsewhere, they will get increasingly frustrated and angry, and eventually, as per the logic of the modern feminist woman, they will leave you while you wonder what happened. Well I say, nobody should be put into a position where they are promised to be fulfilled for better and worse, tied to loyalty towards a person they thought would be there, and then betrayed in the most painful ways. I for one consider not meeting your partner’s needs as one of these betrayals.
The Importance of communication
This is why it is imperative that before you entrap some poor guy into your widow’s web, you have a very serious discussion with him. And he should do this with his female prospect as well.
As a part of that conversation about future plans and values and where we are generally in our lives, we should always make sure to gauge the other person’s needs as well as let them know ours. Clearly and precisely.
In our case, my husband’s prowess is one of his major needs. As much as safety is for me. And how have we solved this conundrum that seems to elude so many people? Well, he informed me about his expectations related to the matter, and I accepted. Before we decided to spend our lives together. I don’t understand how people make it so difficult these days, just lay it all out on the table for heaven’s sake! Then you can decide whether you want to commit to this life or not. And then, after you have committed, you have only yourself to blame if you piss off your significant other by not responding to his needs.
Is it ok for him to get mad about it?
Of course, it is! You have trapped him, probably with the fake promise of intimacy being a continued thing, since the beginning of your journey you were all over each other, always in the mood. You better believe that if my husband turned around one day and told me that he is not in the mood to give me cuddles and pettus, I would pierce his hide with some icy glares to spare. And of course, should I tell him that I’m not in the mood to fulfill his needs, he is entitled to call bs on it, and I better be listening intently then.
This all, again, assumes that you have been open and honest about your needs and expectations before you entered this voluntary commitment. I, like many others, have no sympathy for the people who use and abuse, exploiting females and destroying their souls in the process. But honestly, let us please, not mix up all the good, decent men of the world with the minority of the worst ones. We would not want the men to be doing that to us either, would we?
Let’s respect them as different beings from us women because that is what they are. Different wiring, different needs, and different look on life. Don’t we all deserve to be accepted and loved as we are in the end?
Oh, I almost forgot to answer the question
What would I do/how would I feel if my husband got mad when I told him I’m not in the mood to have any sexual activity?
I would never tell him that in the first place, as my mood is to always be there for him, to support him, and to help him with whatever needs he may have. Just as much as he is there for me for my many needs that no doubt he sometimes is not in the mood for. I don’t wish to play the hostage of an emotional tantrum -game with my husband’s life, or his needs, or with my own for that matter. I would suggest that to anyone that desires true adoration in their lives!